Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3
I want so badly to walk humbly and to consider others better than me. I love to encourage people and I try not to be selfish.
But I have to admit that selfish ambition and vain conceit have reared their ugly heads in my life. They show up as a fear of what others will say about me and have caused me to do things I never dreamed.
In this season of writing I'm working on the story of my college years. Wow, that was thirty years ago. Where has the time gone?
I saw a pattern in my journals as I captured my story. More often than not I was worried about what others were thinking and I was not honest with my true feelings. I wanted people to like me so I did what they wanted me to do. I lost my voice.
In the process I also lost a sense of self worth which didn't help when I was in relationship with controlling and insecure people. And boy was I confused!
I've been spending a lot of time with the Lord lately trying to gain some understanding of what I have lost because I didn't speak up when I should have. I'm trying to regain my voice which was stiffled in a crowd of noise called a large family.
I'm learning to stand tall and be honest with myself and with others. It has taken thirty years but I'm getting there.
I'm so very thankful that God drew me in to a close relationship with Him. He has given me a community of people who seek the best for me. I am encouraged by the authenticity of our relationships.
I have to tell you that writing this book has been a humbling experience. Especially as I write it with an honest heart hoping that someone out there might learn from my story. I really want my reader to learn how much God loves them – even when they haven't always done it right.
So thankful for God's grace today.
God Bless your humble heart.
The idea for this blog post came from the July 18 devotional in God Calling by AJ Russell.